I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Your cock deserves a montage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
