there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
