i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dicks are not precious.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
