i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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