i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
