Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
