Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
