Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
