If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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