You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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