I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
