I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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