i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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