Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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