I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
