There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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