How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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