At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bring me that man meat
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
