:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
