So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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