Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
