I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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