Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Pooping to opera.
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