Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
