I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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