We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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