i just google imaged poop.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
