Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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