Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
