I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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