I hate your face
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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