omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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