he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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