did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
