in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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