I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
