I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
