I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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