Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
