mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
