We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
