I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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