and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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