dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
