Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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