So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
