we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
