Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
