Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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