Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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