capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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