who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
