just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
