I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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