You just made me feel so damn special
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
