what day is it and did you see me today?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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