she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
