I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
