I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
