You're my little dorito
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
