Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
