I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
