Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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