So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
