we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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