Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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