i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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