Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize