My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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