He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
