You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
