awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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