worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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