***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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