she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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