Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
